What Is Vulnerability—and Why Does It Matter?

What Is Vulnerability—and Why Does It Matter?

Vulnerability means showing your real, whole self.
It’s sharing your feelings, thoughts, desires, and opinions—even when there’s a risk of being misunderstood or rejected.

It’s the only way to truly connect to another human being.

When you’re vulnerable, you’re not hiding behind perfection, performance, or people-pleasing. You’re showing up authentically—and that’s where true intimacy begins.

“Humans are attracted to each other’s rough edges.”
– Robert Glover

Why Vulnerability Feels So Hard

If vulnerability sounds terrifying, you’re not alone.

You may have learned early on that vulnerability was:

• Shamed or punished

• Ignored or dismissed

• Overwhelming or chaotic (from seeing oversharing without boundaries)

In these cases, it makes sense that your body protects you by avoiding vulnerability altogether.

But Here’s the Truth:

Vulnerability is uncomfortable—but it’s survivable.
And when you learn to tolerate that discomfort, you stop needing to control, hide, or avoid.

You can start showing up as your full self.
That’s when relationships shift.

How to Practice Vulnerability

Vulnerability doesn’t have to be dramatic.
It’s often in the small, daily choices to show up honestly:

• Sharing your fears and desires

• Saying no when you mean it

• Setting clear boundaries

• Admitting you're bad (or good) at something

• Speaking your opinion

• Sharing that you feel unsure

• Expressing insecurity or fear

• Taking responsibility instead of blaming

• Telling someone how much they mean to you

• Naming when something they say or do makes you uncomfortable

Even saying, “I don’t know what I feel right now” can be a vulnerable act.

How to Stay Safe While Being Vulnerable

If you fear rejection or become easily overwhelmed, start small.
Try:

• One act of vulnerability a day

• Choosing lower-risk moments to practice

• Using grounding tools like breathwork, journaling, movement, or support from a trusted friend

And remember: Rejection is not the same as emotional harm.
If someone ridicules, humiliates, or shames you for your vulnerability, they are not emotionally safe. It’s okay to protect yourself in those situations.

What Vulnerability Is NOT

Emotional Outbursts

Vulnerability isn’t venting without awareness or control.
It’s not demanding, blaming, or expecting others to “fix” your feelings.
Crying, yelling, or reacting doesn’t automatically mean you’re being vulnerable.

Vulnerability is about naming your experience and offering it to someone with self-awareness.

A Manipulation Tool

Real vulnerability is about creating space for connection—not forcing it.
If you’re being vulnerable to get something (sex, closeness, agreement, favors), it’s not true vulnerability.

True vulnerability is saying,
“Here’s who I am. I hope you can meet me here—but I’m okay even if you don’t.”

Vulnerability Takes Practice

Being vulnerable is a skill and an art form. It takes:

• Risk

• Emotional regulation

• Trial and error

• Courage

It gets easier over time. Eventually, it can become second nature.

And while vulnerability can’t guarantee connection, it’s the only way to create the conditions for it.

Support for Breaking the Cycle and Rebuilding Connection

• Attachment 101 Course – Explore how early relationships shaped your comfort with vulnerability—and how to rewrite the script.

• Understanding Shame Course – Learn how shame blocks vulnerability and how to move through it.

• Relationship Coaching – Work one-on-one to build the tools needed for open, authentic connection.

• Men’s Group – A supportive space to practice vulnerability, emotional language, and deeper connection.

“It feels better to use your authentic self to connect than it does to hide yourself just to be liked.”

— Julie Menanno

---

Other Posts You Might Like: