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What Is a Secure Sex Relationship?
What Is a Secure Sex Relationship?
Both partners feel their sexual needs are met for the most part, most of the time.
Neither partner feels shamed (by themselves or their partner) for their sexual wants or needs—including feelings of sexual assertiveness or aggressiveness (as long as it's being safely expressed and acted on).
Partners understand that healthy sexual dynamics don't always mirror the relationship dynamics outside of sex.
Neither partner minimizes, shames, or trivializes the other partner’s need for sexual connection.
Sex is viewed as part of emotional connection, not something separate from it.
Neither partner feels guilted, coerced, or forced into sex—sexual boundaries are respected.
Partners who value their sex life make space for it, even in the midst of busy lives.
Partners have open and honest conversations about sex, including how to navigate unique challenges (like physical issues, trauma, or mismatched desire).
Partners appreciate the distinction between emotionally affectionate touch (like non-sexual cuddling) and sexual touch—and one is not used as a substitute for the other.
Each partner is willing to explore past experiences that might be blocking their ability to fully show up sexually in the relationship.
Partners understand that sex evolves—as the emotional climate of the relationship evolves, and as life roles change. Instead of assuming there’s been a loss of attraction, they work with this evolution.
“A secure sex relationship is where emotional connection and physical intimacy meet—without pressure, shame, or disconnection.”