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Yes, I do my best to grow and be my best self every day. My goal is to create attachment-friendly environments in my closest relationships, including my relationship with myself. I am proud of the relationships I've created.
No. I get it right on average about 75% to 90% of the time, depending upon how resourced I am. When I fail, I know how to make full repairs. I'm an imperfect human with a solid Plan B.
Understanding and validation. I'll stretch myself as far as I need to in order to understand and validate those in my inner circle (and the clients I treat).
No. I had to learn. I grew up in an emotionally toxic environment, and it took a lot of work to learn how to do things differently...and I'm still learning.
No. I'm very real. It's taken practice, but I can speak in an attachment-friendly way with authenticity and with the flavor of my very lively, not at all robotic, personality. It's like learning a foreign language—it takes time to make it your own.
Many. I'm 47 years old. I've had time to make a lot of mistakes in life. When the sadness of regret comes up, I feel it and let it be. Then I remind myself that everything is a learning opportunity. We all start at different places, and it's never too late to grow as a person, partner, parent, and friend.
Not trying to change my loved ones; accepting them where they are. I don't always get it right, but that's the goal. That doesn't mean I accept all behaviors, but I don’t try to change anyone's thoughts or feelings anymore. Once I started to accept my loved ones where they are, we all started to grow.
Humor and loyalty.
Bringing up problems later. I have a tendency to either react in the moment or let things go. I'm working on letting things go in the moment, deciding if they need to be addressed later, and doing so if needed.
“Creating attachment-friendly relationships starts with understanding, validation, and a willingness to grow—both individually and together.”
Attachment styles can be confusing, but in most cases, people lean heavily toward one attachment style in their closest relationships. Learn why you might feel like you have both anxious and avoidant tendencies and what that really means.
Julie Menanno, MA is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, and Relationship Coach. Julie operates a clinical therapy practice in Bozeman, Montana, and leads a global relationship coaching practice with a team of trained coaches. She is an expert in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples and specializes in attachment issues within relationships.
Julie is the author of the best-selling book Secure Love, published by Simon and Schuster in January 2024. She provides relationship insights to over 1.3 million Instagram followers and hosts The Secure Love Podcast, where she shares real-time couples coaching sessions to help listeners navigate relational challenges. Julie also hosts a bi-weekly discussion group on relationship and self-help topics. A sought-after public speaker and podcast guest, Julie is dedicated to helping individuals and couples foster secure, fulfilling relationships.
Julie lives in Bozeman, Montana, with her husband of 25 years, their six children, and their beloved dog. In her free time, she enjoys hiking, skiing, Pilates, reading psychology books, and studying Italian.
Understanding whether you are truly healing your wounds or merely accommodating them can be challenging. Healing involves sitting with your pain and supporting yourself, while accommodating often means avoiding the pain altogether.