How Expanding Conversations Can Strengthen Your Relationship and Build Secure Attachment
When Your Partner Says...
“I had lunch with an old friend today,” what they’re really saying is…
“I want to be known by you.”
“I’m reaching for you to connect.”
“It feels good to be seen and understood.”
“Sharing is bonding. Let’s connect.”
Securely attached couples turn these seemingly “little things” into “big things” by deepening conversations about feelings and meanings. This builds emotional closeness and strengthens the relationship.
How to Expand the Conversation with Your Partner
When your partner shares something small, like catching up with a friend, you can use it as an opportunity to strengthen your bond by asking thoughtful questions, such as:
“What was it like to see them?”
“How long has it been since you’ve seen them?”
“Did you enjoy catching up?”
“What do the two of you connect over the most?”
“What’s going on in their life?”
“Are you planning to meet again?”
“What was the most interesting thing you talked about?”
“Tell me again how the two of you originally met...”
“Sometimes I put off meeting up with people, but then once I do, I’m always glad. Do you ever feel that way?”
“What made you decide to reach out?”
“How did it feel to see them? Was it exhilarating, sad, nostalgic, or a mix of feelings?”
The Power of Validation
When your partner shares their experience, validation helps them feel understood. Use phrases like:
“I get that. I’ve felt that way before too.”
“That makes sense.”
“I hear you.”
“I understand what you’re saying. On one hand, it was good seeing them, but on the other hand, you didn’t have a lot to talk about anymore.”
Share Your Own Thoughts
Sharing your thoughts and feelings helps create a sense of mutual understanding. Consider saying:
“I appreciate you telling me about it. It feels good to know more about your thoughts and feelings.”
“You’re inspiring me to reach out to a friend I’ve been thinking about.”
“I can relate to what you’re saying about...”
“I love how you put so much effort into staying in touch.”
Why Expanding Conversations Matters
Expanding small conversations helps your partner feel seen, valued, and known. This fosters:
Secure attachment
Resilience to conflict
A stronger emotional connection
When you engage meaningfully with your partner’s thoughts and feelings, you build trust and intimacy, creating a relationship that feels safe, fulfilling, and deeply connected.
“Expanding conversations about the ‘little things’ feeds secure attachment, fosters emotional safety, and strengthens connection”
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