How to Be Emotionally Available – Part Two: Authenticity

How to Be Emotionally Available – Part Two: Authenticity

Authenticity

Being authentic means communicating your true self:

  • Your thoughts

  • Your feelings

  • Your ideas and opinions

  • Your likes and dislikes

  • Your values

  • Your fears

  • Your goals and dreams

  • Your awareness of your faults and strengths

  • The way you view yourself

  • What makes you feel proud

  • What brings you shame

  • What you value in others

  • What you know—and what you don’t

You can only truly connect with another person if you’re willing and able to be authentic.
If you aren’t being authentic, you aren’t showing up.
And if you’re not showing up, there’s none of you to connect with.

Hiding your real self might feel like a safer way to be in a relationship—because you don’t have to risk rejection.
But the downside is this: relationships without authenticity feel empty.
And empty relationships leave you feeling alone.

When you feel alone, you might start trying to get your needs met in other ways that don’t actually work:

  • Clinging

  • Picking fights

  • Controlling

  • Focusing on superficial issues

These behaviors are often attempts at connection. But when someone doesn’t know how to be authentic, they may not know how to truly and deeply connect.

To Find Authenticity, Consider the Following:

Know Who You Are

Go back to the list above. How much of that do you know about yourself?

Try journaling. Be curious. If you don’t know who you are, that’s okay—start learning.
Knowing yourself is the first step toward expressing yourself.

Commit to Working Toward Self-Acceptance

The more you accept yourself, the easier it will be to share yourself.

Ask yourself:

  • Was anyone curious about your inner world growing up?

  • Was it safe to express your true thoughts and feelings?

If not, it makes sense that being real now feels scary. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth practicing.

Face Your Fears

In the long run, it feels better to be authentic than it does to stay “safe” by hiding.

Being authentic doesn’t mean you’ll always get the response you want.
At first, others might even reject your authenticity.
But over time, they’ll get used to it—and may even feel inspired to be more authentic with you, especially if you can accept their truth the way you want yours to be accepted.

Be Transparent About Where You Are

Authenticity isn’t about always having the right words. It’s about being real with whatever you’ve got.

“I’m not sure what I think or feel right now.”
“Sometimes I feel afraid to share my deepest thoughts because I worry I’ll be rejected.”

Those statements are authentic.

In Summary

  • Authenticity means expressing your true self and being real.

  • You can’t fully connect with others without it.

  • You can learn and practice being authentic—even if it doesn’t come naturally.

  • And if you're stuck, getting professional help can make a big difference.

Using authenticity to connect eliminates the need to try to connect in ways that don’t work—like controlling, clinging, or criticizing.

It’s better to take the risk and be real than to feel alone while hiding.

Related Resource:

Support for Breaking the Cycle

If you aren’t being authentic, you aren’t showing up. And if you’re not showing up, there’s none of you to connect with.
— Julie Menanno

Other Posts You Might Like:

Julie Menanno MA, LMFT, LCPC

Julie Menanno, MA is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, and Relationship Coach. Julie operates a clinical therapy practice in Bozeman, Montana, and leads a global relationship coaching practice with a team of trained coaches. She is an expert in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples and specializes in attachment issues within relationships.

Julie is the author of the best-selling book Secure Love, published by Simon and Schuster in January 2024. She provides relationship insights to over 1.3 million Instagram followers and hosts The Secure Love Podcast, where she shares real-time couples coaching sessions to help listeners navigate relational challenges. Julie also hosts a bi-weekly discussion group on relationship and self-help topics. A sought-after public speaker and podcast guest, Julie is dedicated to helping individuals and couples foster secure, fulfilling relationships.

Julie lives in Bozeman, Montana, with her husband of 25 years, their six children, and their beloved dog. In her free time, she enjoys hiking, skiing, Pilates, reading psychology books, and studying Italian.

https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/
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How to Be Emotionally Available – Part Three: Emotional Attunement

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How to Be Emotionally Available – Part One: Emotional Validation