What Is Your Sense of Self?

What Is Your "Sense of Self"?

Your sense of self is the sum of your inner experiences—the thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and values that define who you are. A strong sense of self allows you to navigate life with confidence and authenticity, while a weak or undefined sense of self can leave you feeling lost, disconnected, or overly dependent on others’ approval.

Your self includes:

• Your feelings and thoughts

• Your likes and dislikes

• Your values and beliefs

• Your strengths and faults

• Your fears and dreams

• Your self-perception

• What makes you feel proud or ashamed

People with a Strong Sense of Self:

✔ Know themselves – They understand their values, emotions, and boundaries.
✔ Accept themselves – They embrace both their strengths and their imperfections.
✔ Share themselves authentically – They don’t hide who they are for fear of rejection.

What Gets in the Way of Knowing Yourself?

If you grew up adapting yourself to please others rather than exploring your inner world, you may struggle to truly know yourself. Instead of defining yourself based on your own experiences, you might rely on how others perceive you.

This can lead to:

• Constantly seeking approval and validation

• Adapting your personality or beliefs to fit in

• Feeling disconnected from your true desires and emotions

• Struggling to set boundaries or assert yourself in relationships

Example:
A child comes home with a perfect test score. Instead of asking, "How does this feel for you?", their caregivers say, "Great job! We're proud of you." While well-intentioned, this response focuses on external validation rather than helping the child develop self-awareness.

The Power of Self-Acceptance

Accepting yourself means you:

• Feel okay even when you make mistakes or can’t please everyone.

• Don’t let others define your worth.

• Experience less fear of rejection or abandonment.

• Spend less energy trying to control others' perceptions of you.

Self-acceptance leads to emotional resilience. Instead of denying your flaws or over-identifying with them, you recognize that mistakes are part of being human. This allows you to own your actions, repair when necessary, and move forward with self-compassion.

How a Strong Sense of Self Affects Relationships

In relationships, partners with a solid sense of self:

• Connect authentically, rather than adapting for approval.

• Express needs and boundaries without fear.

• Are open to feedback but don’t rely on external validation.

• Stay true to their values while remaining flexible.

• Give from a place of generosity, not out of a need to control or avoid rejection.

How to Find Yourself

• Practice self-curiosity – Ask yourself: Who do I want to be? What are my values and fears? What truly brings me joy?

• Reflect on your experiences – Explore what you genuinely like and dislike, beyond external expectations.

• Define your boundaries – Where are you willing to compromise? Where are you not?

• Identify your motivations – Are you giving to others out of love, or out of fear of rejection?

• Cultivate self-acceptance – Acknowledge your imperfections with compassion and a growth mindset.

When you develop a deeper understanding of yourself, you naturally become more curious and accepting of others. This is the foundation of real, meaningful connection.

Resources for Strengthening Your Relationship

• Secure Love by Julie Menanno for deeper insights into self-acceptance and emotional security.

• Understanding Shame Workshop to uncover how shame may be preventing self-acceptance.

• Julie’s Group for live discussions on emotional resilience and personal growth.

• Coaching Sessions to gain personalized guidance on building a strong sense of self and setting healthy boundaries.

“When you know who you are and accept who you are, you can share yourself authentically with others—without fear of rejection or the need for approval.”

— Julie Menanno

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