Sex and Psychology Podcast
Episode 260: Why Couples Have The Same Fight Over And Over
In long-term relationships, partners often find that they’re having the same fights over and over again. The fights are often triggered by something seemingly small, but then they have this way of escalating and turning into bigger conflicts that are wildly unproductive. This relationship pattern is known as a negative cycle. In today’s show, we’re going to delve into why negative cycles happen, how we create these patterns, and how you can start to recognize them. In the next episode, we’ll talk about how to break negative cycles.
My guest is Julie Menanno, a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples. She also provides insight and advice for couples at @TheSecureRelationship on Instagram, with over one million followers. She founded and runs the Bozeman Therapy & Counseling Clinic, and Secure Relationship Coaching. Her latest book is titled Secure Love.
Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:
What is it that triggers negative cycles in relationships?
What do negative cycles look like or feel like as they’re happening?
Which attachment style pairings are most likely to lead to negative cycles?
How can you tell the difference between negative cycles and abuse?
About
The Sex and Psychology Podcast is the sex ed you never got in school—and won’t find anywhere else. Kinsey Institute researcher Dr. Justin Lehmiller takes you on a journey through the psychology of sex and relationships, offering practical tips along the way that can help you take your intimate life to the next level. Learn more on Dr. Lehmiller’s blog at sexandpsychology.com
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In this week’s Secure Love Book Club, I guide you through Chapter 2, where we unpack the fundamentals of attachment theory and how it affects your ability to feel safe, seen, and connected in romantic relationships.