Sex and Psychology Podcast

Episode 260: Why Couples Have The Same Fight Over And Over

In long-term relationships, partners often find that they’re having the same fights over and over again. The fights are often triggered by something seemingly small, but then they have this way of escalating and turning into bigger conflicts that are wildly unproductive. This relationship pattern is known as a negative cycle. In today’s show, we’re going to delve into why negative cycles happen, how we create these patterns, and how you can start to recognize them. In the next episode, we’ll talk about how to break negative cycles.

My guest is Julie Menanno, a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples. She also provides insight and advice for couples at @TheSecureRelationship on Instagram, with over one million followers. She founded and runs the Bozeman Therapy & Counseling Clinic, and Secure Relationship Coaching. Her latest book is titled Secure Love.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

  • What is it that triggers negative cycles in relationships?

  • What do negative cycles look like or feel like as they’re happening?

  • Which attachment style pairings are most likely to lead to negative cycles?

  • How can you tell the difference between negative cycles and abuse?

About

The Sex and Psychology Podcast is the sex ed you never got in school—and won’t find anywhere else. Kinsey Institute researcher Dr. Justin Lehmiller takes you on a journey through the psychology of sex and relationships, offering practical tips along the way that can help you take your intimate life to the next level. Learn more on Dr. Lehmiller’s blog at sexandpsychology.com


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Julie Menanno MA, LMFT, LCPC

Julie Menanno, MA is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, and Relationship Coach. Julie operates a clinical therapy practice in Bozeman, Montana, and leads a global relationship coaching practice with a team of trained coaches. She is an expert in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples and specializes in attachment issues within relationships.

Julie is the author of the best-selling book Secure Love, published by Simon and Schuster in January 2024. She provides relationship insights to over 1.3 million Instagram followers and hosts The Secure Love Podcast, where she shares real-time couples coaching sessions to help listeners navigate relational challenges. Julie also hosts a bi-weekly discussion group on relationship and self-help topics. A sought-after public speaker and podcast guest, Julie is dedicated to helping individuals and couples foster secure, fulfilling relationships.

Julie lives in Bozeman, Montana, with her husband of 25 years, their six children, and their beloved dog. In her free time, she enjoys hiking, skiing, Pilates, reading psychology books, and studying Italian.

https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/
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