Perfectionism to Self-Regulation: The Anxious Partner's Journey

Season 1
Written By Julie Menanno MA, LMFT, LCPC

Perfectionism to Self-Regulation: The Anxious Partner's Journey

In this episode of The Secure Love Podcast, host Julie Menanno focuses on Melissa’s anxious attachment style, exploring her emotional regulation challenges, the roots of her people-pleasing tendencies, and her struggle with perfectionism. Julie addresses Melissa’s need to create ideal family experiences, illustrated by her high expectations for a recent Halloween outing. Drew’s contrasting laid-back parenting style sparked conflict, revealing Melissa's difficulty coping when he doesn’t match her enthusiasm.

Julie encourages Melissa to reflect on how her anxiety and perfectionism may contribute to Drew’s disengagement, pushing her to recognize and take ownership of her role in their relationship dynamics. Julie challenges Melissa to develop self-soothing skills, instead of relying solely on Drew for emotional validation, and to create space for Drew’s parenting differences. By encouraging Melissa to manage her expectations, perfectionism, and anxieties, Julie aims to help her break negative patterns and foster greater self-confidence and emotional independence.

Click here to see this episode’s transcript

 
Julie Menanno MA, LMFT, LCPC

Julie Menanno, MA is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, and Relationship Coach. She earned her Master’s degree in Psychology from Phillips Graduate Institute in Los Angeles, CA. Julie operates a clinical therapy practice in Bozeman, Montana, and leads a global relationship coaching practice with a team of trained coaches. She is an expert in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples and specializes in attachment issues within relationships.

Julie is the author of the best-selling book Secure Love, published by Simon and Schuster in January 2024. She provides relationship insights to nearly 1 million Instagram followers and hosts The Secure Love Podcast, where she shares real-time couples coaching sessions to help listeners navigate relational challenges. Julie also hosts a bi-weekly discussion group on relationship and self-help topics. A sought-after public speaker and podcast guest, Julie is dedicated to helping individuals and couples foster secure, fulfilling relationships.

Julie lives in Bozeman, Montana, with her husband of 22 years, their six children, and their beloved dog. In her free time, she enjoys hiking, skiing, Pilates, reading psychology books, and studying Italian.

https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/
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