It's Okay to be Triggered. Being Triggered is a Normal Part of Life
Being triggered is a normal part of life. What truly matters is how you respond to those triggers. The way you process and manage them determines whether you grow or stay stuck in the same patterns.
Sit With the Discomfort
Instead of fighting a trigger, allow yourself to feel the discomfort. For example:
If you feel anger, sit with it until it transitions to sadness or powerlessness.
Reflect on your urge to react. Ask yourself, “What would it feel like if I didn’t act on this urge?”
This reflection can help you locate the discomfort in your body and understand its roots. To process the feeling, you may need to release tension through healthy outlets like running, yelling into a pillow, or squeezing something. The key is to let the feeling run its course without escaping or suppressing it.
Riding the Emotional Wave
If sadness or shame arises, let those emotions flow naturally. You can’t stop the wave, but you can learn to ride it. Allow the emotions to peak and subside while reaching for support from a trusted loved one.
Once you’re in a calmer state, reflect on what to do next. Different challenges call for different approaches, and experimentation is key to finding what works for you.
1. Instead of Shrinking, Get Assertive
If you grew up in an environment where expressing your needs wasn’t safe, you might have internalized these messages:
“You’re too much if you have needs.”
“You’ll be rejected if you express yourself.”
“Your needs won’t be met unless you prioritize others first.”
Learning to assert yourself takes practice, but it’s worth it. Start by tolerating the discomfort of rejection or disapproval. Over time, you’ll feel stronger and more capable of advocating for yourself.
2. Pause or Leave the Situation
If a situation is escalating, it’s okay to take a break. Use assertive but kind language to prioritize the relationship while setting boundaries:
“This isn’t good for either of us right now. Let’s take a break and revisit this later.”
“It’s not okay to talk to me like this. I’m leaving the room, and we can try again later.”
3. Show Vulnerability Instead of Anger
If anger is your default emotional response, you might be masking deeper feelings like fear, sadness, or shame. Showing vulnerability can:
Help you feel more authentic.
Allow your partner to empathize with your experience.
Break the cycle of self-righteous anger.
Examples of vulnerability include expressing feelings of loneliness, helplessness, or humiliation.
4. Go for Peace Instead of a Battle
If you tend to engage in conflict as a first response, try to balance this with peace-making strategies:
Validate the other person’s feelings and perspective.
Access empathy before speaking.
Temporarily set aside your own needs to protect the relationship.
This approach doesn’t mean abandoning your needs but prioritizing emotional safety to foster trust and collaboration.
Bookmark It for Later
Not every issue needs to be resolved immediately. Taking time to process your thoughts and feelings can help you better understand the situation. Ask yourself:
“Is this about the present event, or is it influenced by past traumas?”
“What’s the best course of action for my short-term and long-term goals?”
Sometimes your partner may also need time to process. Allow breaks between conversations to promote clarity and resolution.
Examine Your Perspectives
While your feelings are always valid, your interpretation of an event may not be fully accurate. Misunderstandings can arise from incomplete information or past biases. Strike a balance between trusting yourself and questioning your assumptions.
Don’t Ignore It, But Learn to Let Go
Not every triggering event needs to be addressed. Choose wisely when to engage, and sometimes, allow yourself to let things go. This could mean:
Venting to a support system.
Balancing what someone did wrong with what they get right.
Consciously deciding to prioritize your own well-being.
The key is to act with intention, not fear.
Resources for Support and Growth
If this resonates with you, explore these tools for deeper self-awareness and relationship growth:
Attachment 101 Course: Includes an Attachment Style Quiz to help you better understand your triggers and relational patterns. Learn more.
Julie’s Book, Secure Love: Discover strategies for fostering emotional safety and managing triggers effectively. Order now.
Coaching Sessions: Work with a trained coach to navigate triggers and develop healthy coping strategies. Learn more.
Secure Love Podcast: Gain insights on handling triggers and building secure relationships. Listen now.
“Triggers are not your enemy—they’re opportunities to uncover deeper truths and grow into your most secure self.”
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